I was going to try to share something that God has laid on my heart without talking about myself. But I think it will carry more weight with the help of my testimony. And it actually isn't about me anyway...read on.
It was the last day of GYC, Sunday, and I was to sing special music at the commitment service. I was already afraid of how afraid I was going to be with several thousand eyeballs and ears focused my direction. And as if that were not enough, I was completely exhausted and I hadn't gotten nearly enough practice and warm-up to satisfy my human confidence. Give this glorious song of God's love justice on my own? Not.
So I prayed...a lot. On my knees in my room, in the elevator, walking the halls of the convention center. The Lord had shown me Psalm 51:15 that morning, which says, "O Lord, open thou my lips, and my mouth shall show forth thy praise." I hung on to that verse like a shipwreck survivor to a splinter of wood.
As I made my way backstage, the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach grew worse. By the time I sat down backstage, I was feeling prostrate. I was not ready for this. Now, some of my friends that are used to appearing before large crowds might find this amusing, but for me it was nerve-racking. Sitting in one of the temporary partitioned rooms in the huge area backstage, I leaned my head on the guitar in my lap...and prayed some more. I knew God would not let me down. I had enough experience with Him to know that. (Don't ask me why I was so nervous then.) I finally concluded that God was not going to give me the strength I needed until the moment I needed it...
I was right! Three or four minutes before I went out, the physical exhaustion began to leave. I walked out onstage, and all fear stayed backstage. As the words "I cannot tell why He Whom angels worship should set His love upon the sons of men" flowed from my lips...the lips that God was moving, my heart was moved with love and awe. I could not have been less nervous singing in my bedroom. If anyone was blessed by that song, God deserves ten thousand praises!
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Now for my point. So often we set out to battle sin and self, and find ourselves knocked flat on our faces. We are trying to do the impossible in our own feeble strength.
Could it be that if we are as emptied of self-confidence as I was backstage....
And if we cling to God's promises and pray for Divine strength as desperately as I did....
We would experience miracles in our hearts and lives just as real as that miracle onstage.
Yes, most of us already know this, but I tell you, there is nothing like experiencing that power firsthand, and then realizing that it is the very same power available to us for every aspect of our lives. Put God to the test, my friend, and tap into strength that is truly made perfect in weakness.
Hope, I was blessed! I sat there in awe of the gift God has given you...so clear and free and heart felt. Thank you for letting Him use you. I can identify with your lesson. It is one I'm still learning, but oh how sweet the experience is, right? There truly is nothing like it. :)
ReplyDeleteI was a pleasure getting to meet you in person. Thank you for introducing yourself. I am enjoying meeting my fellow bloggers. :)
May God richly bless this new year for you. Happy Sabbath!
Hope - it was a blessing! I can tell you that God used you, and I know your song touched my heart, and my life. I am reminded of a quote... "There is no limit to the usefulness of one who, by putting self aside, makes room for the working of the Holy Spirit" His strength is made perfect in weakness.
ReplyDeleteAnd I must agree with Jenae, it was a pleasure to have the chance to meet you (both of you!) - blessings for a new year!
@ Jenae, I am still learning that lesson too...but God uses experiences like this to get my attention...yes, sweet it was!
ReplyDelete@ Jenae and Esther, Praise the Lord! Did I say my heart was touched? It was so good to meet both of you and may we meet again. Happy Sabbath to you as well!
Your song was beautiful! Praise the Lord!
ReplyDeleteWait... are YOU the girl with the angel voice that sang I cannot tell Sunday morning at GYC?
ReplyDeleteWow..let me tell you, sister.. since GYC I have told people about that song over and over again.. that song was just for me.
See, Sunday morning I was having a huge struggle. Just before you sang, I had been up in the prayer room wrestling with the Lord in tears. He won, I gave him my treasure and told Him that I trusted whatever plans He had for my life.
Then I came down and you walked out on stage and started singing that song...
I never have liked that song, to be honest, lol. I guess I had never listened to the words.. but when you sang it, there was something so heavenly, so genuine, and so poignant. It was the voice of God to me. So specific to what I was going through that it was as if Jesus Himself was standing there saying it to me: "but this I know, He heals the broken hearted, and stays our sin, and calms our lurking fears, and lifts the burden from the heavy laden." I sat there with my shoulders shaking and tears streaming down my face... my friends all scrambling for tissues.. especially when you got to the line that says, "I cannot tell how He will satisfy the needs and aspirations, of east and west, of sinner and of sage."
Rarely have I EVER had a song minister to me so specifically..
It was just what was needed to seal my commitment with God.. I had given Him my treasure and trusted by faith that He will satisfy my needs and aspirations, and then He answered from heaven "I WILL satisfy you, because I heal the broken hearted and dry tears, and stay sin, and lift burdens."
It was undeniably the sweetest experience of my entire GYC, and one that I have told over and over again in the weeks since. Thank you for being a vessel..and thank you for stepping aside to let the Spirit minister. One thing that is often a great distraction to me when people sing is that oftentimes, perhaps without even realizing it, they draw attention to themselves instead of the message of the song. But there was none of that, not even a hint of it..reading your testimony, I guess now I know why! Praise God, and thank you a hundred times over for being surrendered and sensitive to His Spirit. I can't even express how much I was blessed.
All I can say is, Praise the Lord! Sister, this brings tears to my eyes. And it brings me to my knees with the humbling thought that God used my song in such a direct and special way. It always thrills me when I see the Holy Spirit at work. Thank you so much for sharing your testimony with me! It was an encouragement that I needed today. God be praised! :)
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